I recently received my grades from the fall semester of graduate school. 2 A's which maintains my 4.0 GPA. I admit, a very big part of me is proud of myself for being able to accomplish this, so far. Reading books and articles and writing papers have started to take a toll on me, especially this past semester. But, I did it. After wondering if this would be the semester that would ruin my perfect GPA, I was pleased to find out that I've kept it. But, something has been lingering, and I couldn't exactly put my finger on it....until now.
I started to wonder what my GPA would be as a mom. Let's face it. To be candid, staying home as a mom is also taking a toll on me. It's been over six years now, using my oldest son's age to keep track. I find myself wondering how much longer I can do this...similar feelings that I've had towards school. I find myself confused, because I thought this is what I've always wanted...again, similar feelings towards school. I find myself cleaning up my son's potty accident, trying so hard to stay calm, but meanwhile wondering, "Is this what I went to school for?" or "What happened to my goals in life?" I strive on the hope that I'm not the only one who feels this way; that this is a common thought, (once in awhile,) from a stay at home mom. And to my relief, as I talk to some mom friends, it is....a common thought. However, not a thought that makes us want to stop doing it, but one that we share and understand that every day is not going to be a piece of cake. (It just makes us want to EAT more cake.)
Ironically, as I have started to go back to school, so thrilled to do something for myself, I began to resent it. I started to resent it, because it was taking time away from enjoying my family. My mind was preoccupied with what my next project was going to be or when I would be able to squeeze in some of the reading or research that had to be done rather than just sitting with my kids or my husband. My perfectionistic personality was in high gear, but nothing could be "perfect," because the time had to be shared. I realized this when I received my first project back with a score equivalent to a "C." Unacceptable. But, what about my parenting? If I can't accept an average grade in my class, I absolutely should not accept an average grade in my parenting.
I only need to worry about school until October, when I will graduate. But, the results in my parenting will be a lifetime. I'm proud of myself for my accomplishments so far in my classes, but I can't say I am feeling celebratory. I am realizing now that I need a 4.0 GPA in my parenting, as well. That would definitely be something worth celebrating. I better stop procrastinating and get focused.
If your kids could grade you, what do you think you would get?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Nathan on Halloween
Halloween is just around the corner...well, at least it is for my kids. It has been "around the corner" since August as discussions of costumes have already started. The catalog of costumes in the mail confirmed that Halloween is near, and the discussions have become more serious. Ben is still undecided between a storm trooper and Anakin Skywalker. Nathan on the other hand...
Nathan: "I want to be an egg! Yes...an egg...it's right here," pointing to the costume that in fact is an egg! "Ben! Ben! If I am an egg, are you going to crack me??!"
Ben, looking up from his book, "No."
_________________________________________________
Ben was flipping through the catalog and began to joke around.
Ben: "Hey, I want to be a hot dog! And you can be the mustard or the ketchup!"
Mom: "Yes! We can all be one family picnic!" (laughter)
Nathan: "And I'm gonna be the boy that eats you all up!"
Nathan: "I want to be an egg! Yes...an egg...it's right here," pointing to the costume that in fact is an egg! "Ben! Ben! If I am an egg, are you going to crack me??!"
Ben, looking up from his book, "No."
_________________________________________________
Ben was flipping through the catalog and began to joke around.
Ben: "Hey, I want to be a hot dog! And you can be the mustard or the ketchup!"
Mom: "Yes! We can all be one family picnic!" (laughter)
Nathan: "And I'm gonna be the boy that eats you all up!"
Friday, April 24, 2009
My Three Professors
It's a common thing to hear parents say that their kids teach them as much as they teach their kids. Kids make their parents aware of things that they once took for granted or never took the time to realize. Parents are forced to view experiences from their children's eyes as opposed to their own adult, overused, experienced, altered, and therefore, "blinded" eyes. My children are definitely my (nutty) professors, as they have most definitely opened my eyes open wide, again...sometimes a little more wide than I'd like. Here are some things that I have learned or relearned, thanks to my 3 little professors (written from their perspective.)
- Worms are not poisonous, and they will not give me diseases if I touch them.
- Creeks are much more fun than a playground.
- An overabundance of toys are simply obstacles to what really matters...time with you.
- Obsessions and quirks will pass. Maybe not as fast as you would like...but, they will.
- If you give me more than two chances to stop an inappropriate behavior, you may as well consider yourself unheard.
- I HAVE to run...my body can't help it.
- It's ok if I eat ketchup with a spoon once in awhile. It's not that disgusting...it tastes good!
- The question, "Why?" can never be abused and is absolutely necessary.
- Spiders are not going to run up your arm or your leg and into your sleeves if you get near them.
- Bugs are sooo cool!
- It's not appropriate to be called "cute" after turning the age of 6. Now, I'm "cool!"
- Boys are clumsy. We can't help it.
- We don't care if the house is messy.
- Yes, sometimes it's alarming to hear a loud siren come from "nowhere," when we can't actually see the firetruck.
- The combination of a stick and a worm is better than riding a bike.
- The world under a big, huge, mounted rock is fascinating.
- If you feel a need to yell uncontrollably, you need a time-out.
- I'm 3. That's why. Because, I'm 3.
- Losing is a hard lesson to learn and probably will be for quite a long time.
- Patience is a virtue. You can't expect us to have a lot of it all the time, but YOU should.
- You're tripping over me, because I want to be near you.
- Machines that fly in the sky should always make you jump and shout in complete awe!
- God is watching me? Where?!?!?
- As much as you try to convince me that thunder is cool....it just isn't. Especially at bedtime.
- "Mom" is one of my favorite words, and I love to say it over and over and over again, for no apparent reason, but just because.
- If I could buy you anything in the world, I would buy you more time.
- I watch and hear you...ALL THE TIME.
There are so many more things that they have taught me. Some days, I'm a top-notch student, while other days, I feel like I could have studied (them) more. But, they never give up on me. I guess that's what they call unconditional love...which is the biggest and the best lesson I've learned.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
"There's a siren in my nose."
What enters your mind when you read that statement? A lot of things, or absolutely nothing, because it doesn't make any sense?
This was a statement given to me by my 3 year old, Nathan. It was the 4th night of Matt being away on a business trip in Korea. (Yes, of course, I count down the days when he is gone.) I was preparing dinner and ready to put it on the table, when I heard Nathan calmly say to me, "There is a siren in my nose."
At first, I couldn't even comprehend what he was saying. I got all of it except for the word "siren." Normally, he would say "booger," but it was no where near that. I asked him repeatedly to say it again. "What? What is in your nose?" And then he said it again...loud a clear, "a SIREN!"
I was totally perplexed at this point. I walked over to him and pinched his nose. It didn't "pinch" the way his soft little nose was supposed to "pinch." Something was in there, and according to him, it was a siren.
I looked up into his little, troublemaker nose. Lo and behold, I faintly saw a tiny blue lego piece that belonged to a rescue vehicle. And, yes. Nathan was right. It was the siren. It was equivalent to the size of a pencil eraser top, if you sliced the very tip of it. It was one of those pieces that escaped from Ben's dangerously small toys that are not appropriate for the younger boys, especially for reasons such as this.
I tried to stay calm, because the thought of taking all three boys in the evening, in the middle of a snowfall to the ER made me WANT to panic. The small siren piece was not the same as the soft peas that I found up his nose which was easy to pull out carefully with tweezers. I told Nathan to blow his nose...really, really hard. I was not hopeful. I envisioned us getting into the car. But, I was lucky that night. After 3 big blows...out popped the siren.
Kids have a fascination with their nose and ears. This is the lesson I have learned. It's not enough for them to be told that their nose and ears are for smelling and hearing. They want to know more. I just hope that I'm getting the point across that they are not to be used to store away food or toys.
Sigh....
This was a statement given to me by my 3 year old, Nathan. It was the 4th night of Matt being away on a business trip in Korea. (Yes, of course, I count down the days when he is gone.) I was preparing dinner and ready to put it on the table, when I heard Nathan calmly say to me, "There is a siren in my nose."
At first, I couldn't even comprehend what he was saying. I got all of it except for the word "siren." Normally, he would say "booger," but it was no where near that. I asked him repeatedly to say it again. "What? What is in your nose?" And then he said it again...loud a clear, "a SIREN!"
I was totally perplexed at this point. I walked over to him and pinched his nose. It didn't "pinch" the way his soft little nose was supposed to "pinch." Something was in there, and according to him, it was a siren.
I looked up into his little, troublemaker nose. Lo and behold, I faintly saw a tiny blue lego piece that belonged to a rescue vehicle. And, yes. Nathan was right. It was the siren. It was equivalent to the size of a pencil eraser top, if you sliced the very tip of it. It was one of those pieces that escaped from Ben's dangerously small toys that are not appropriate for the younger boys, especially for reasons such as this.
I tried to stay calm, because the thought of taking all three boys in the evening, in the middle of a snowfall to the ER made me WANT to panic. The small siren piece was not the same as the soft peas that I found up his nose which was easy to pull out carefully with tweezers. I told Nathan to blow his nose...really, really hard. I was not hopeful. I envisioned us getting into the car. But, I was lucky that night. After 3 big blows...out popped the siren.
Kids have a fascination with their nose and ears. This is the lesson I have learned. It's not enough for them to be told that their nose and ears are for smelling and hearing. They want to know more. I just hope that I'm getting the point across that they are not to be used to store away food or toys.
Sigh....
Friday, January 16, 2009
A 5 Year Old Moment
Ben had a moment. It was a moment of panic and concern. It was over a situation that I never thought he would take time to imagine. But, he did. In the middle of his dinner, his face turned sad, there were tears in his eyes, and as soon as I noticed, I asked him what was wrong. He looked at me with his watered eyes and said, "I don't want to get married."
I was confused and stunned at the same time. Immediately, my mind began to wander as to why he would make such a comment. I wasn't even sure what made him think about marriage at all! The only question I could think of at that moment was, "WHY?" His answer clarified everything. It all started to make sense.
His answer was, "I don't want to grow up. I just want to stay a kid. I want to turn 6, and then that's it. I don't want to leave this house. I want to live with my mom and dad forever."
It all came back to me. I remember having a conversation with Ben several days prior about marriage when he was looking at our engagement picture. And, during the discussion about marriage, I must have mentioned that we moved out of our homes and moved in together. Out of all the lovely talk about why people get married and how lucky we are to have found each other, the only words that stuck in his mind were..."we moved out of our homes." At that point, he already decided that he will never get married.
After trying to explain that marriage is something that would not happen until he is MUCH older, he wouldn't budge. In fact, he seemed to become more disturbed the more I explained. Finally, I gave up trying. It was too much for a 5 year old to comprehend. So, I said what I had to say to make him feel better, again. I told him, "Fine. You can live with me forever. That will make me very happy!" And, deep inside, it really did.
Now, if only I can get this in writing.
I was confused and stunned at the same time. Immediately, my mind began to wander as to why he would make such a comment. I wasn't even sure what made him think about marriage at all! The only question I could think of at that moment was, "WHY?" His answer clarified everything. It all started to make sense.
His answer was, "I don't want to grow up. I just want to stay a kid. I want to turn 6, and then that's it. I don't want to leave this house. I want to live with my mom and dad forever."
It all came back to me. I remember having a conversation with Ben several days prior about marriage when he was looking at our engagement picture. And, during the discussion about marriage, I must have mentioned that we moved out of our homes and moved in together. Out of all the lovely talk about why people get married and how lucky we are to have found each other, the only words that stuck in his mind were..."we moved out of our homes." At that point, he already decided that he will never get married.
After trying to explain that marriage is something that would not happen until he is MUCH older, he wouldn't budge. In fact, he seemed to become more disturbed the more I explained. Finally, I gave up trying. It was too much for a 5 year old to comprehend. So, I said what I had to say to make him feel better, again. I told him, "Fine. You can live with me forever. That will make me very happy!" And, deep inside, it really did.
Now, if only I can get this in writing.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The #1 Comment of the Year
Before I begin the new memories of 2009, I'd like to take a moment to address the comment I have heard endlessly during 2008. As random people approached me and learned from one way or another that I am a mother of three boys, whether it's because I have three boys attached to my hip while strolling along, or because one boy decides to create a scene which would draw attention to all of us, or simply because someone notices a cute kid and quickly realizes there are three (yes, I am a typical proud mother,) a very common remark usually followed...
"I don't know how you do it,"
in which my typical response is a laugh and something like, "Yea, I don't know how I do it, either. Ha ha ha!" (Yada, yada, yada.) I never really understood if that comment is a compliment or a statement of pity. Some people are more specific as they add, "I could never do it." And some people simply ask, "How do you do it?" It comes in all variations. And I realize that it isn't because I have three children. It's because I have three boys.
Well, the answer is revealed. This is how I do it:
I wake up in the morning, usually by my two older sons greeting me on our bed. They come lay with us until I can finally open my eyes completely, and my grogginess is almost gone. We all go downstairs for breakfast after I quietly close Owen's door to not wake him. The kids eat breakfast. Ben washes up and gets dressed for school as I pack his lunch and snack. Then he and Nathan play until the bus comes. Ben hops on the bus, and Nathan watches him leave. I put on a tv show for Nathan, more specifically Little Einsteins, while I have my coffee and breakfast in peace. Nathan and I go up to get Owen after my breakfast. (Most likely, Owen is in his crib humming until I get him, almost as if he's waiting for me.) We all get dressed, and Owen has breakfast. I play with them / read / do crafty things for a while when Nathan doesn't have school. (The days Nathan has school I drop him off, run errands or go home, then pick him up a couple hours later and proceed with lunchtime.) I give them a snack, and then it's free play and my time to work on the house, still interacting with them as I scurry around the place. It's soon lunch time and then book-time and finally naptime....and most importantly, my quiet time. Nathan wakes up an hour later (and sometimes an hour and a half if I'm lucky,) and we have our alone time for a good thirty minutes or more. Ben comes home, and I get Owen from his nap. (Once again, he waits for me. I'm not sure how long this will last, but it's awful nice of him to do so!) At this point, the brothers missed each other all day, so they play, and play, and play. Yes, this is also when they fight in the midst of playing, but that's all a part of their young life! It's homework time, so we do homework. Sometimes, Nathan and Owen join us, sometimes, they are content and engaged in their playing. It's time to make dinner which usually coincides with the time that they are starting to get hungry and a little cranky. Another educational tv show is a good option for this time block, and I am free to prepare a dinner as they wind down from their crazy play session. (I hope to incorporate them in the dinner-making process in the future, but haven't been doing so, yet. Maybe a new year's goal.) We sit down at the table, we pray, and we eat. We discuss our day...our favorite moments, and our not so favorite moments. We play, "What is your favorite...." game as we eat. And there are other very unique conversations that follow. After dinner and dessert, they ask if they may be excused and go off and play, again. They play, they dispute, they problem solve, they sometimes go to time-out, but they always play. Dad comes home, and they run to greet him. He eats dinner and shortly after whisks the boys upstairs, as he gets to spend his quality time with them while getting them ready for bed. (This works out very well, by the way!) I clean and straighten up downstairs. Dad reads to them, we tuck the boys in bed, tell them we love them, and say goodnight. (I have to add, they are very independent sleepers, which is something I enforced very early on, knowing it was going to be a very significant for us in the future.)
Obviously, this is a very generic overview of our day. It's the general schedule we follow that excludes the outings, errands, or other extra activities and events that happen. And, in the process includes moments that require an immense amount of patience and creative parenting that gets us through those trying situations. It's about keeping a predictable schedule and being certain to include some quiet time for me. It's about having fun with them and accepting their strengths, weaknesses and quirks. It's about reminding them of values and good/bad choices. I'll save those stories for future entries.
So, this is how I do it. By the end of this year, I'm sure things will be altered and tweaked and a bit easier, and I'll look back and think, "Man...how DID I do it???"
"I don't know how you do it,"
in which my typical response is a laugh and something like, "Yea, I don't know how I do it, either. Ha ha ha!" (Yada, yada, yada.) I never really understood if that comment is a compliment or a statement of pity. Some people are more specific as they add, "I could never do it." And some people simply ask, "How do you do it?" It comes in all variations. And I realize that it isn't because I have three children. It's because I have three boys.
Well, the answer is revealed. This is how I do it:
I wake up in the morning, usually by my two older sons greeting me on our bed. They come lay with us until I can finally open my eyes completely, and my grogginess is almost gone. We all go downstairs for breakfast after I quietly close Owen's door to not wake him. The kids eat breakfast. Ben washes up and gets dressed for school as I pack his lunch and snack. Then he and Nathan play until the bus comes. Ben hops on the bus, and Nathan watches him leave. I put on a tv show for Nathan, more specifically Little Einsteins, while I have my coffee and breakfast in peace. Nathan and I go up to get Owen after my breakfast. (Most likely, Owen is in his crib humming until I get him, almost as if he's waiting for me.) We all get dressed, and Owen has breakfast. I play with them / read / do crafty things for a while when Nathan doesn't have school. (The days Nathan has school I drop him off, run errands or go home, then pick him up a couple hours later and proceed with lunchtime.) I give them a snack, and then it's free play and my time to work on the house, still interacting with them as I scurry around the place. It's soon lunch time and then book-time and finally naptime....and most importantly, my quiet time. Nathan wakes up an hour later (and sometimes an hour and a half if I'm lucky,) and we have our alone time for a good thirty minutes or more. Ben comes home, and I get Owen from his nap. (Once again, he waits for me. I'm not sure how long this will last, but it's awful nice of him to do so!) At this point, the brothers missed each other all day, so they play, and play, and play. Yes, this is also when they fight in the midst of playing, but that's all a part of their young life! It's homework time, so we do homework. Sometimes, Nathan and Owen join us, sometimes, they are content and engaged in their playing. It's time to make dinner which usually coincides with the time that they are starting to get hungry and a little cranky. Another educational tv show is a good option for this time block, and I am free to prepare a dinner as they wind down from their crazy play session. (I hope to incorporate them in the dinner-making process in the future, but haven't been doing so, yet. Maybe a new year's goal.) We sit down at the table, we pray, and we eat. We discuss our day...our favorite moments, and our not so favorite moments. We play, "What is your favorite...." game as we eat. And there are other very unique conversations that follow. After dinner and dessert, they ask if they may be excused and go off and play, again. They play, they dispute, they problem solve, they sometimes go to time-out, but they always play. Dad comes home, and they run to greet him. He eats dinner and shortly after whisks the boys upstairs, as he gets to spend his quality time with them while getting them ready for bed. (This works out very well, by the way!) I clean and straighten up downstairs. Dad reads to them, we tuck the boys in bed, tell them we love them, and say goodnight. (I have to add, they are very independent sleepers, which is something I enforced very early on, knowing it was going to be a very significant for us in the future.)
Obviously, this is a very generic overview of our day. It's the general schedule we follow that excludes the outings, errands, or other extra activities and events that happen. And, in the process includes moments that require an immense amount of patience and creative parenting that gets us through those trying situations. It's about keeping a predictable schedule and being certain to include some quiet time for me. It's about having fun with them and accepting their strengths, weaknesses and quirks. It's about reminding them of values and good/bad choices. I'll save those stories for future entries.
So, this is how I do it. By the end of this year, I'm sure things will be altered and tweaked and a bit easier, and I'll look back and think, "Man...how DID I do it???"
A New Year brings New Memories
It's been just about a year since starting this blog, and I took a moment to peek back at my prior entries throughout 2008. I'm so glad that I did, because not only did it remind me of the moments and memories I have forgotten, but it reminded me why I started this blog in the first place, and why I should continue. Yesterday, I told my husband that I felt it was time to stop writing, but I think I just changed my mind. I want that feeling again...the one I just had this moment. And, as I jot down my memories, why not share it with whoever is interested. So, here's to another year of memories...
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